i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
