It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
