no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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