Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
