I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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