She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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