Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
