did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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