Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
