The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Operation Purity has been aborted
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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