Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
