I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
