I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
