whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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