didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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