the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
