By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize