bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
