her vagina looked like bernie madoff
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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