I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
