Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
