tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
did i just pee glitter
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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