mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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