So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
