did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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