i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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