in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
