So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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