It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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