He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
