Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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