i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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