I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
