life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I want is dick and wine.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
