I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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