For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You can't just leave with hair like that
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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