Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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