I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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