just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
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I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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