how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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