I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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