I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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