Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
