I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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