do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
