Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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