either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
