So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"