everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil