your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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