Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  dude, you're being a jerk.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney

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  (704): dude, you're being a jerk. (919): sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney http://tfl.nu/o9rt
  Replies (6) Good night (872) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour

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  (954): i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour http://tfl.nu/3p9u
  Replies (10) Good night (2573) Bad night (1514)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.

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  (401): I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths. http://tfl.nu/qww0
  Replies (37) Good night (1026) Bad night (2347)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!

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  (508): i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah! http://tfl.nu/c18w
  Replies (10) Good night (3419) Bad night (1075)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.

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  (623): I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again. http://tfl.nu/xgq4
  Replies (22) Good night (4171) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction

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  (202): Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion (202): He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction http://tfl.nu/lcwv
  Replies (60) Good night (730) Bad night (5268)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!

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  (612): I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome! http://tfl.nu/jbu3
  Replies (21) Good night (5502) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Each and every day.

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  (819): Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough? (604): Each and every day. http://tfl.nu/71fx
  Replies (16) Good night (4578) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out

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  (239): they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out http://tfl.nu/ncls
  Replies (2) Good night (3653) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas

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  (740): I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas http://tfl.nu/8zhl
  Replies (3) Good night (1943) Bad night (673)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.

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  (303): Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass. http://tfl.nu/tyko
  Replies (5) Good night (701) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.

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  (615): We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND. http://tfl.nu/votz
  Replies (1) Good night (766) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.

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  (678): It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls. http://tfl.nu/0s5d
  Replies (6) Good night (1142) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.

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  (541): Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears. http://tfl.nu/9wf5
  Replies (1) Good night (702) Bad night (241)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.

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  (832): Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead. http://tfl.nu/yr8v
  Replies (0) Good night (367) Bad night (328)

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