24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless