Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?

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  (703): exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea? http://tfl.nu/lklw
  Replies (5) Good night (3296) Bad night (1096)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn

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  (718): I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn http://tfl.nu/ymp4
  Replies (19) Good night (910) Bad night (2435)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.

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  (206): Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking. http://tfl.nu/kuj0
  Replies (11) Good night (1120) Bad night (4317)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?

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  (305): If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet? http://tfl.nu/k73j
  Replies (22) Good night (1760) Bad night (4971)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"

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  (208): he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something" http://tfl.nu/rcyf
  Replies (26) Good night (7663) Bad night (1431)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.

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  (501): Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure. http://tfl.nu/9bef
  Replies (7) Good night (1117) Bad night (4445)
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  (323): View more from California

  Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.

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  (323): Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy. http://tfl.nu/58l0
  Replies (6) Good night (3659) Bad night (925)
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  (760): View more from California

  coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.

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  (760): coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/by4p
  Replies (14) Good night (4126) Bad night (1415)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.

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  (508): I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship. http://tfl.nu/snem
  Replies (6) Good night (2411) Bad night (1036)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?

  (810): View more from Michigan

  shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you

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  (907): I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone? (810): shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you http://tfl.nu/u0b0
  Replies (14) Good night (2486) Bad night (848)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection

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  (954): aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection http://tfl.nu/vqm1
  Replies (4) Good night (596) Bad night (1128)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion

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  (413): Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion http://tfl.nu/n5in
  Replies (2) Good night (432) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  i think my cat just said my name.

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  (386): i think my cat just said my name. http://tfl.nu/zcy1
  Replies (3) Good night (758) Bad night (269)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....

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  (254): guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when.... http://tfl.nu/knba
  Replies (2) Good night (553) Bad night (266)
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  (949): View more from California

  There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.

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  (949): There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus. http://tfl.nu/e52j
  Replies (5) Good night (478) Bad night (192)

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