She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
