God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
