i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
