Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I want her autograph on my taint
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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