WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I touched a dick in church today
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
