Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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