im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
