they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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