I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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