Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize