Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
