Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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