i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
