also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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