She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize