I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
