Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
